please remember everything laopo..jpg)
its our first swensons trip.
at my house.
remember this?
teo heng, you were bored. so i stopped singing and camwhore with you.
a kiss for my princess.
have you seen me smile recently?
i love you.
our chalet trip.
remember i said i will take care of you forever?
marina square. swensons and andersons.let me write out my heart.
i met you about 7 months back. thats like the most wonderful thing that happened in my life. our dates, jetty, suntec, fort, punggol, changi coast. we became an item. a day before valentines my sweets, you thought of this didnt you. our valentines day was a movie at suntec, ghost rider. i love the jacket you bought for me, we lost the butterfly necklace i bought for you. i was so happy that we were together you see. we shared everything. love, care, concern, cup, ciggarette, bed, com, everything else, and most importantly our life my dear. day and night, we would be together. the moment i have time i would spend it with you. i became dependent on you. i fell so deep in love with you, which i have never done so to anyone before. baby, you remember the stretch between tampines mall and century square? i whispered into your ear, saying at 1220pm 20/2 with the song Dong Feng Puo playing behind, " ni ker bu ker yi yong yuan dou bu yao li kai wo ". with your smile that never fail to brighten my day you said, " see you treat me good anot lo ". do you i bought a ring for you, i took it out from your hair to be sweet, and i wore it for you. after that when we were alone. i told you i will take care of you for life. i mean it dear. but would i have the chance? everything we did together, i remembered. the first 4 months, every happy moments spent, everything... im so fucking happy. i love you soooo much. june 15 i got into camp. i spent the night at your house, watching battle royale together. with our heartache deep down. the moment i step out your doorsteps, i cried. i once told you, things will change during my enlistment. you told me things will be just fine. " you treat me so good, i wont leave you de :) " i was so glad of the words. things did went fine the first month or so, every moment i get to book out it will be spent with you. with utmost best to not waste anytime. everytime i book in you would send me to the cab after we have our dinner. our usual prawn omelette. i would be so sad to leave you, you told me " i hate this part of the time the most, when you have to book in =( " . it was simply one of the best words ever told to me. as time pass.. you tend to become sick of me. sick of the words from the bottom of my heart. that im scare of you leaving me. im in camp sweets, how do you expect me to not be scare of you leaving me when i love you so much. soon after, freedom came into the once beautiful picture, staining it thoroughly that no matter how hard i try to clean.. the picture is dirty, till the day you understand sweets. your feelings start to fade. even though i did things like cook for you and bring it to workplace. do stuffs for you, pack your room everytime before i book in, always go all the way to your workplace to see you for 5 minutes. but still, you fade away from me, lesser sweet messages, no more handphone wallpaper. my heart slowly starts to tear. you tell me you were unsure of the relationship, and to let you think. yups i drink and make a fucking havoc everytime making you so stress. but baby, you know how i feel? i really do love you and i am very very sad. you think i like to be like that? i came to a point where i think i should let go of you, i let go of you to make you more relax don't you understand sweets? i wanted to be back with you, texting you everyday. at least 30 text and 5 calls. with lesser and lesser replies. i wait everyday for your text, holding my phone tight everywhere i go. even when i go to sleep and bath, the phone will never leave me. why? i want to reply or answer your beeps the moment i get them. i became uncertain of you. you thought of the relationship and look back at me. wanting to be with fusheng once again. I HATE MYSELF COMING TO THIS PART. i wanted to feel your love, i replied in a fucked up way. talked to you on the phone with a fucked up voice. i wanted to see whether you will persist. I WISHED I DIDNT DO IT, I WAS FUCKING STUPID. i met you out, we talked at fort road. you telling me about your uncertainty, which i have no problems having heartaches with. you had to think about what you want. so you did, and you told me that we be together. i was fucking happy, i was thinking, AT LAST, i will definitely take this chance to save this relationship. but, from the way i see you act, your text.. your commitment, your calls.. you were just trying to commit. correct me if im wrong. we met up today, you know when i drove to meet you i was so excited? seeing you smile at the small lighter suprise i got for you. i soo soo soo wanted to hug you tight and tell you i love you. i brought you and june to eat, and directly sending you home after. im contented, as long i see you. but i don't see a cheerful limei like before, thats why i look so emotional. i miss the past, where we lamed every minute. so sweet, so loving. zhilian in the car was a fucking sad song for me. i tried to bear with it. i sent you up your house. seeing the past, where we return late from lan game or marina south, trying to play with each others butt, and tickling our way in your room. our hugs, our kisses, our love. just like a sweet dream. i hugged you at the door steps where i might never get to enter again, i started tearing, thinking wheres my limei.. wheres my eve.. i dont want janelle, she's so different. i tried to feel your love from the hug, but the hug was a loose hug where you just laid your hands there. you smiled at me and say don't cry la. and you went in asking me to leave. i looked at the window where limei threw me a bear that is still on my keys, telling me that the bear's letter reads i love you. but what i saw was lights in your room. nothing else...it used to be you waving goodbye to someone you loved. i went to punggol end myself. thinking of our past where we sat and talk cock the whole night. i sat at the exact same place and look up the sky staring at the stars exactly the same way we did in the past. messaging you asking whether you can call me awhile? or if you tired go sleep. you choose " good night ". so i sat awhile more, calling you and you picked up the second time, speaking less than 6 sentences and you went to sleep. after that, i brought up some courage and asked whether you love me. you said you don't know, and that we stayed like yesterday see how first. that means we are breaking off again....... if i didnt control myself, i may have walked into the sea. i guess you have your khakis ler ba. you seem to be happy with wen and them. but when i see you things kinda become different, i hope im just thinking too much.
baby, here is what i want to bring up. i really love you alot alot alot, i don't know what you are thinking right now. i really need you in my life. i really do. what i did in the past, does it really mean nothing? aint what i did good enough? if you think not good enough i can change. i really want a chance sweets, a chance to save this relationship and cherish it. i want to propose to you after NS like i planned. i need you to save the relationship. please look at what i have done in the past and give me a chance, i want to be with you.
if only you gave me one chance...
i love you.
-fslm
No comments:
Post a Comment